Goofys aka. Lisas Blogg -

Skämt på engelska.

Dessa två vitsar fick jag av James i England, pappan i min AuPair familj.. Skojig, härlig prick det där in deed! MEN skämten han skickar är inte alltid så skojiga, dock speglar de hans humor grymt bra!

Nummer 1:

Life would be much better lived backwards.

You'd start out dead and get it out of the way.

Then, wake up in an old peoples' home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then

when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. At retirement - 18 years of age - you drive the sportscar you can actually enjoy!

You eat what you want, you party... and you get ready to start school.

You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no

responsibilities, you become a baby, and then .

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like

conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every

day...

And then, you finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

Nummer 2:

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally..... A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

NOW SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND A WOMAN WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Nå? Vad tycks om denna härliga engelska humor? I dont like....

2008-03-23 @ 22:08:50 Allmänt Permalink

Kommentarer

Det var jag som skrev: joel

hahaha, u dont like...?
jag älskar det... dock tre stycken för mycket.. man orkar inte läsa så mcket text ;)

och vafan, kvälle kunde slutat bättre? vad hände egentligen.. något snuskigt? Någon som råkade göra en american paj måhända?

detaljer, detaljer, detaljer...

2008-03-24 @ 00:12:45
URL: http://joelsunderbara.blogg.se

Det var jag som skrev: joel

äääh, ett stycke hade gått bra, an måste inte ha de andra ...

haha... been there done that...

sena fyllor är alltid sega.. man borde ha en mätare på kroppen så man kunde ställa in sin fyllenivå.. fast då skulle väl alla gå omkring konstant gladpackade..

inte för att det vore något fel med det..

2008-03-24 @ 11:55:24
URL: http://joelsunderbara.blogg.se

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